


First One’s The Hardest

by Redbirdblackdog



Series: Miracle of Life, It Truly Fucking Is. Birth Stories of Family Clegane [2]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Birth, F/M, Married Life, Modern AU, Pregnancy, Worry of miscarriage but doesn’t happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:41:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22708660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redbirdblackdog/pseuds/Redbirdblackdog
Summary: Sansa & Sandor’s first child.“I’m pregnant?” She asks?“Yes, I’m so sorry for the mix up.” She reassures.“Th-thank you,” she stutters.“We will see you back in 2-3 weeks,” the voice says.“Ok,” she answers. Then ends the call. She takes a deep breath and sinks back down on the couch. “Are you there little one?” She asks looking down at her still flat belly. How can she be sure? She feels all fuzzy and clouded up and what just happened?“Everything’s okay,” she repeats. She almost believes it.
Relationships: Sandor Clegane/Sansa Stark
Series: Miracle of Life, It Truly Fucking Is. Birth Stories of Family Clegane [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1633285
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	First One’s The Hardest

**Author's Note:**

> So this starts out pretty sad but everything is fine. There is talk of miscarriage but it doesn’t happen, then labor stuff later.

She’s late, a week late. She’s never late. Sansa Clegane is a punctual woman in every sense of the word and her period is 7 days late. She waited, and waited, wait till it’s a week late then test the box said. So she’s sitting on the lid of the toilet reading the directions on a pregnancy test again. 

Deep breath, “you can do this,” she breathes out. First void of the morning is the best time it said. Another deep breath, then she peed on the stick reapplied the cap and set it down on the lid of the toilet, flat like the directions said. She looks down at the test... nothing. “Five minutes, I’m suppposed to wait five minutes,” she says psyching herself up. She sets the timer in her phone, walks away, then turns immediately back around to check. “Walk away,” she mumbles, “watched pot never boils.” But it’s been forever already, check her phone four minutes and thirty seven seconds to go, “seriously!”

She hadn’t told him yet. They had talked about starting a family, decided to stop taking birth control, but the doctor said it might take months to get pregnant. Could it really be happening already? 

Is my timer broken, looks at the timer two minutes left, “hmff.” Tea, I need tea. Kettle warming over the stove, and that cute little chiming alarm. 

“Yes,” she huffs under her breath and heads for the bathroom. She looks at the test, lovely blue control line bold and true. Second line... maybe? Kind of? Is it? “Seriously,” she puffs. “I think that’s a blue line,” tips the thing to the side, then holds it up to the light. “Mmmmm, not sure,” she says, “am I just seeing what I want to see. Drops it in the bin, then promptly pulls it out and looks again. Yup, definitely a blue line, definitely pregnant. 

Should she call Sandor? He’s on site today, should she do it now? Call him home for lunch? Surprise him at dinner? She’s tapping the stick on the counter, “eew,” she shrieks and tosses it in the bin. Dinner she decides, or when he gets home. The second he gets home, yes, the second he gets home I’ll tell him. 

She phones the doctor and makes an appointment for the next morning, get checked out and confirm it they say. Confirm first, tell Sandor when you are sure. Oh, who’s she kidding. ——— 

The chicken is almost done, potatos roasted, salad is plated. Where is that man? He’s usually home at 5:20, it’s 5:23 where the heck is he? Headlights in the driveway, “he’s home,” she whispers. She begins pacing back and forth. Give him a minute ‘cool your jets,’ her dad would say. She hears the key in the door and she’s right there, jumping in his arms. He drops his lunch takes a side step to steady himself as his arms wrap around her. 

“Little Bird,” he questions?

“I’m pregnant!” she exclaims at the same time, squeezing him tight. 

“What? Pregnant. Already?” He asks. 

“Yes, well the test said so. I’ll see the doctor tomorrow, but the test is supposed to be good.” She kisses his lips, again and again. 

“Okay, okay, what time tomorrow? Do you need me to get it off?” He asks. 

“I don’t think so. It’s just a blood test and a visit.” She says. 

He lifts her chin and looks in her eyes, “you sure Little Bird, I’ll be there just tell me when and where. Just tell me what you need.” 

———

Phones ringing and she picks it up. Doctor is on the line, “Sansa your levels went down, are you bleeding at all?” 

“What?” She chokes out. It’s tight behind her eyes, and she sniffs. Her hand goes to her belly, “What?” She asks. 

“Your hormones levels have dropped, it means this isn’t a true pregnancy, no baby,” the doctor says. 

———

Sansa remembers back to the office, so excited. It’s not just a blood test, there’s a ultrasound, a trans-vaginal ultrasound, ok she thought just the another of the many uncomfortable things women have to do. She wishes Sandor was here. 

“Okay, what can we see here... there’s the sack and... hmmmm.” She pauses. 

Are pauses like that ever good. Sansa looks more closely at the monitor and she can’t see anything. The angle changes on the ‘wand’ what a stupid name for it.

“I don’t see a baby, when did your period last start” The doctor asked? 

“Um,” Sansa said. No baby! No baby, she was screaming in her head. “6 weeks I think?” She stumbles out.

“Just came off the pill though, right” The doctor asks?

“Yes,” Sansa whispers. 

We’ll do some blood tests to confirm if this is a pregnacy,” the doctor states. 

“What does that mean?” She asks quietly.

“I think you have a false pregnancy, your body thinks it’s pregnant, you’ve grown a sac but no baby inside. All the pieces except the most important.” The doctor replies. “I’ll need you to back day after tomorrow redraw hormone levels, if they drop we have no baby.”

“No baby,” Sansa whispers. 

“It’s probally fine,” the doctor says trying to reassure.

Fine she says, Sansa thinks to herself. It takes 30 minutes in the car before she can clear her head to drive home. “No baby,” she whispers to no one at all. 

She told Sandor she’d have her blood drawn again on Thursday and then they’d know for sure. It wasn’t really a lie was it? She wasn’t sure. 

——

She can’t hear all of what the doctor says then just snippets... “no bleeding by tonight....” “we will do a procedure tomorrow...” “remove the products of conception...” “try again soon...” then she’s gone. 

She shakes head, trying to clear her thoughts, it’s all hazy. Sansa has an appointment tomorrow for a procedure to remove any trace the baby was ever there. But there was no baby. She sniffs, as a tear falls down her cheek, “I’m sorry,” she whispers rubbing her belly. 

She pleads then, for bleedong to start. She’s not even thinking clearly anymore. She doesn’t want to go in tomorrow, she doesn’t want a procedure. She doesn’t want someone to think she ever didn’t want this baby, but there’s no baby. She takes a deep breath, then another, but everything’s all wrong. 

She picks up the phone, “mama’” she wheezes.

“Sansa honey, what’s wrong?” Her mom asks. 

She hasn’t told her yet, wanted to be sure, now she’s sure and... what did she want. “There’s no baby mama,” she says with here voice trembling. “The test said there was, but the doctor says no. I don’t know what to do. She said I should start bleeding or....” crying, that’s all she’s doing now. 

“Honey, do I need to call Sandor?” 

“No. No need to hear this when he’s at work. He’ll be home soon. What am I going to do?” Sansa asks. 

“You are going to put down the phone and lay down. I wish I didn’t live so far. You will be ok,” Catelyn insisted. 

“Yes?” She said not sure at all. 

“I love you sweetheart,” Catelyn said. 

She wanted to go to the bathroom and check, check for bleeding. Why would she ever hope for such a horrible thing? She wanted to call her husband. She wanted to cry. She wanted to disappear. What if never works? What if I never can? What if it’s not meant to be? She buries herself in the blanket and tries not to think. Tries to breathe. Breathing. 

The phones ringing. She shouldn’t answer she thinks, as she answers it. “Hello?” She mumbles. 

“Sansa? Sansa Clegane?” a voice asks.

“Yes... that’s me,” she replies.

“I’m so sorry my dear,” the voice says. “the labs were misread, a mistake was made... your hormone levels are good. You are not as far along as we expected, likely why I couldn’t see the baby on ultrasound.” 

“Baby? I thought there was no baby?” Sansa questions.

“They read the wrong sample, your hormones went up everything looks good. You are likely a few weeks less then your dates indicate.” She said. “We should be able to hear the heartbeat at your next visit.”

“I’m pregnant?” She asks?

“Yes, I’m so sorry for the mix up.” She reassures. 

“Th-thank you,” she stutters. 

“We will see you back in 2-3 weeks,” the voice says. 

“Ok,” she answers. Then ends the call. She takes a deep breath and sinks back down on the couch. “Are you there little one?” She asks looking down at her still flat belly. How can she be sure? She feels all fuzzy and clouded up and what just happened? 

“Everything’s okay,” she repeats. She almost believes it. 

——

“Little Bird,” she hears, then feels his hand on her shoulder. She must have fallen asleep on the couch.

“Sansa, are you okay? He asks. Kissing her forehead.

She must look a mess, rumpled and cried out and exhausted.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” she says.

“You sure?” He asks and pulls her up on his lap. He smells like freshly cut wood, hard work and Sandor. She leans into him and breathes him in, holding him tight. 

“Yes, everything’s okay,” she whispers. “I love you, I love you so much. I have something to tell you... I should’ve told you already...”

“You’re killing me, what is it,” he asked?

“I’m pregnant,” she blurts out. 

“You told me that,” he replies smiling.

“No, I mean yes. I was pregnant, but then to doctor said there was no baby, that I’d bleed, that it wasn’t there, but it is and it’s all okay. I think.”

“What,” he asks? He holds her tighter. “Just breathe for a moment.”

She takes a deep breath and explains again. “I thought I was pregnant, the home test said I was. Then I went to the doctor, then she did an ultrasound,” she sees the question in his face. Another breath and she continues, “I was going to tell you, but the doctor couldn’t see the baby, wasn’t sure it was there at all, maybe I was empty, my body just thought I was pregnant.” 

“How does your body think it pregnant Little Bird?”

“I don’t know,” she said exasperated for the interruption, “hormones I think? Anyway that was Tuesday and this afternoon they called... she- she told me there was no baby, she asked if I started bleeding yet,” she sniffed at that. 

“They told you that over the phone, they asked if you were losing your baby over the phone,” he growled holding her closer. “Fuckers.”

“They said there was no baby,” she whispered. 

“Close enough,” he replied. “Wait your saw this doctor on Tuesday and two days you’ve been waiting, then they call you with the worlds shittiest news ever. Wankers,” he litterely growls then. 

“I didn’t want to call you at work, make you come home and ruin your day...” she sniffed again. 

“That’s the reason I’m here Little Bird,” he soothed kissing her temple. “You didn’t have to do that alone.”

“Then-then she called back a bit later and told me she was wrong, she was wrong and the baby IS there. That baby’s just younger then she thought.”

“I love you Sandor, we’re having a baby,” she said kissing him on the lips.

“I love you too Little Bird,” he whispers against her temple and runs his hand down her back. “Are you okay? What do we need to do?”

“Well I’m supposed to see the doctor again in two weeks,”

“Not that doctor you’re not,” he demands. 

“It’s not her fault,” she says. 

“Her fault she acted like a fucking idiot, can’t fix that,” he states. He pulls her closer, holds her tight, she’s been protecting him, his little wife. “You have to tell me things, there’s nothing more important to me then you, nothing.” 

“But work...” 

“Not even close Little Bird, I’d walk away from anything for you, please don’t doubt it. He whispered in her ear. I’d do anything for you.” 

“We’re having a baby Sandor,” she whispers. 

“Aye, we are,” he whisperes back. 

———

It was good after that. She couldn’t really face that doctor again anyway, Sandor was right. She found a lovely midwife with loads of experience at tiny clinic just a little further from their home. Older then dirt Sandor had said, but Nan was one of a kind. Her pregnancy was easy, Sansa kind of felt like she deserved it now. 

Sansa knew about births and babies, basics at least, but it’s different when it’s you. She read every book on birth and delivery at the local library, 14 books all together. Some were down right frightening, poorly done epidurals, 3 day inductions, caesarean surgeries and episiotomies without consent. It was a little overwhellming. 

Then it was happening. Last visit a few days ago with Nan she was a 3, dilated to 3. Sent home with advice to install the car seat, and to call when the contractions started. 

———

She was all cuddled up with Sandor, when she peed herself! Embarrassed, she was up and rushed to the bathroom. All done and washed up, she sat down and... again. Peed herself. Shifted to the side, peed again. 

“I think my water just broke,” she said.

Sandor stood up and looked at her, then he sat back down, then stood up again, “Little Bird,” he mumbled, “what do I do?”

“I’ll call Nan,” she said calmly. Nan told her get her to go bag and ‘hustle her little bustle’ over the the birth center to check if her water was broken, they’d decide from there. 

Once it was confirmed that her waters had ruptured, but contractions hadn’t started yet they offered for her to spend the night. Sansa and Sandor decided to go home and come back in the morning to check in.

——

Sansa woke up early the next morning, all warm and snuggled up into her husband. 530! Why is she awake they don’t have to be back at the birth center till 800. Then she feels the whole dome of her belly tighten then relax and her back is sore. “I think that was a real contraction,” she whispers to herself. She cuddled back up to relax a little longer, no big rush till the contractions were closer together. 

She woke a little later to her alarm, then woke up her husband with a kiss “Sandor, we have to leave in a half hour.”

“Yup,” he mumbled, half asleep.

“The baby, Sandor,” she reminded. “We are going to have the baby.”

“Yes, yup, ya... I’m up,” he said rubbing his hands across his face. 

———

Sandor dropped he off at the front of the entrance while he parked the car. She watched him hurry toward her bags thrown over his shoulder. 

“Do you need a wheelchair,” he asked? 

“No, I don’t think so,” she said. Just then a stronger contraction caused her to stop and grab his arm tighter. I-I think they are getting stronger.” As the pressure eased they continued there walk inside. 

———

“Hi Darlin’, I’m Randa, I’ll be the nurse checking you out this morning. Hop up on the table here and lie back for me. Look at you, dilated to 4 already. Let’s stick ya in the tub for a soak for a bit and see what happens.” 

“Naked?” Sandor asked. 

“Yup,” The nurse replied, “we’re gonna get real personal, real fast around here darlin’,” patting him on the shoulder. “Did you want an epidural Sweetie,” she questioned?

“No,” she panted, “I’d like to do it without drugs if I can.” She groans through the next contraction, clutching at Sandor’s hand with hers. 

“I’m gonna give that midwife a call, get her on her way over,” the nurse said. 

Once in the tub, Sansa squirmed and shifted through the contractions. Trying to find a comfortable postion. 

“I want out. I’ve been in here too long. I want... ugh,” reaching out to hold her belly. “It’s too hot, and I’m floating and... I don’t like it.” she demands. “I don’t like it.”’ 

He raises his eyebrows at her fussing, “It’s only been a few minutes, the nurse said-“

“No it’s been forever, forever, I want out. I don’t like it,” she interrupted, trying to pull herself up. Panting through a contraction. 

“Little Bird, I’ll help,” he pleaded. He helped her to sit on the edge of the tub helping her into a robe as the nurse came back in.

“Water not for you?” 

“No, I need land,” Sansa said. 

“Land?” The nurse repeated. “Well let’s find you some land then,” she winked at Sandor. She opened the door and off down the hall the went. Randa calling out “Room 32, land ho!”

“Oh I like her,” Sansa said, “I like her a lot.” Sandor just sighed.

“Here we are room 32, land as far as the eye can see,” the nurse joked. “Let’s get you up on the bed and give ya another check. I got a feeling you’re not the type to mess around,” she sassed. 

“So, you’re at a 6 now and not much cervix holding this kid back. I got a few pearls of wisdom, take ‘em or leave ‘em. First one, relax the best you can, don’t worry or fight what your body knows how to do, just melt right into that bed between each contraction. Fighting it won’t do no good. This is a primal, natural thing, listen to your body, your brain will just mess it up.” 

“Second, drunk girl slow dance. Don’t give me that look, you got a big man there, put your arms around his neck, he’ll put his around you and let him hold you up. Swaying back and forth seems to help, hence the slow dance part. Oh and get up out of the bed and take a loop around, walk the hall then back to your room. Do what feels comfortable, even if it changes every few minutes.” 

She then takes a deep breath, “last ones for you,” tapping Sandor on the chest. “You help her out, rub on her back, whatever she wants. When it comes to baby just one thing, don’t drop the baby. People tell you babies are so fragile, they forget being born ain’t for the weak, it’s tough business. Don’t drop the baby, the rest is just gravy.”

———

Forever later it seems, few walks and slow dances done. Everyone is here now her mom’s in the room urging her only and only occasionally glaring at Sandor as if he’s done something wrong. Arya’s recording the birth from the modest angle at the head of the bed. Nan is sitting on the foot of the bed. 

The contractions are stronger and she barely feels like she can catch her breath between them. Lying on her right side a big one hits her, feels a like bowling ball just bounced off her. Then it seems like her whole body is pushing down, squeezing her like a tube of toothpaste. 

“I think I’m ready to push,” she pants out. 

“I’m going to give you a check here, you’re going to feel me touching you. Yup, you’re complete now. Next time your body pushes, push with it,” Nan says. “Show me how you’re going to reach down and get your baby.”

Sansa reaches down between her legs. 

“Just like that girl.”

Sandor’s standing, holding her hand, he kisses her quickly on her temple. Her hand tightens around his as pushes through the contraction. 

“You’re doing great Little Bird,” Sandor whispers in her ear. 

“Sit down there papa bear,” Randa scolds. 

“I’m okay,” he gruffs. 

“You’re getting a bit pale big guy, sit down. Don’t have time to pick you up off the floor. I’m busy,” she scolds. 

Sandor concedes and sits on the side of the bed near Sansa. Scowling at the nurse, never would he admit he might just have felt a bit light-headed. He leans in shoulder to shoulder, holding her hand. 

Few more contractions come and go before Nan pipes up, “next time push then hold, then push past that point with the next one. No more resting. Let’s get this baby born.”

———

Two pushes later, it’s like slow motion. He faintly hears a congratulations it’s a boy. It’s a little blurry but he sees Sansa reach down and scoop up the baby to bring it to her chest. He blinks, he’s blue, the baby is blue...

“He’s blue,” he chokes out. 

“It’s okay, takes ‘um a minute to get used to real life. He’s still got his cord.” The nurses lays a towel over the boy right there on Sansa chest and starts drying him off.

“But he’s blue...” he insists. 

“I see him, we all start out here, we’ll see his true colors soon enough. Cord’s still pulsing, we’re good.” Another rub with the towel and the baby lets out a wail. “There you are young man,” the midwife laughs, “nice of you to join us.” He’s already starting to shift from blue toward pink. 

“Can I touch him,” Sandor asks?

“Of course you can, you made him,” Nan replies. 

He lays his hand on the baby’s back, just barely stroking the neck of the baby. Just fascinated by this little person that’s just appeared, not hidden away anymore. He sniffs a little wraps his arm around his wife. 

“Cord’s stopped,” Nan says, “need you to come cut it for me. Scissors here, cut in between the two clamps. Really thick and rubbery, you got it.” 

Sandor turns back and Sansa is beaming at the baby in her arms. “Oh Sandor, he’s perfect,” she coos. “A... I think he just peed in me.”

“That’s a boy for you dear,” Nan says unsurprised. 

“It’s ok little man,” Sansa whispers into the baby’s hair. “I’m your mama and I love you so much.” She turns to face Sandor, “I love you too.”

“The placenta will be out in a minute,” Nan says, “why don’t you get uncovered and put the boy to breast.”

“Can I get a weight on him first,” the baby nurse asks?

“Yes,” says Sansa. 

“No,” state both Nan and Randa. 

“He can get weighed after his first latch,” Nan explains, “not before. It can wait.” 

Randa moves over and sits on the bed to Sansa’s left opposite Sandor. 

“I’m gonna uncover you a bit and get baby against your skin,” she says uncovering Sansa’s left shoulder and breast. “Now I know it seems awkward but give it a try, hold that little man in your right arm, let me help. See right there you got good control of his neck and shoulders in your hand, his body is supported against your arm and chest, he ain’t going nowhere. Dad can reach around too and help you hold him, they get heavy after a while and he’s no small fry.

Sandor reaches around giving her arm support with his, other arm wrapping around behind her. 

“See that,” she points out, “he’s starting to peck around like chicken, he’s looking for the breast. Now darling use your left hand to hold your breast, and just touch that nipple to that dip in his upper lip. When he’s ready he’ll open wide and take it deep in his mouth. Oh, there he goes let him take it. Good boy,” Randa smiles at Sansa, “good job mama. Now look there’s a good latch, not much of that areola showing, if he just get a holds the tip you need to slip a finger in between his lips and the breast breaking the seal and make him try his latch again. He can hurt ya good with a shallow latch.” 

“Little Bird, you’re just amazing,” Sandor whispers kissing her on the temple. 

“Here’s the placenta, give me a good push and see if we can get it out in one go.” Nan explains. 

“Latch looks good darling,” Randa says, “let the little man eat then will get his measurements.” 

“Sandor, look at him,” Sansa coos looking down at the baby, “he’s so beautiful.”

“He is,” Sandor kisses her again. 

“I’m gonna get you cleaned up a bit, so just do what you are doing,” Randa says, “have you ready for visitors in a few minutes if you’re ready.”

That’s when Sandor remembers Catelyn’s been here the whole time. He turns his head and she’s beside him, quiet, but tears are in her eyes. 

“Cat,” he says. “You want to meet your grandson,” he asks? He untangles himself from Sansa to make room, but as he stands Catelyn wraps him up in a hug. She has never hugged him. Might of shook his hand once or twice, but this, she has never left a doubt of how much she disapproves of her daughter’s husband. He closes his arms around her and hugs her back. 

“Sandor, I’m sorry,” Catelyn squeaks out with some tears. “I-I, you did so good,” she finally says, “thank you.”

They untangle and Catelyn takes his spot next to Sansa. Catelyn is now making cooing noises at the baby and Sansa. He sits down on the chair by the bed just a little dumbfounded.

“I got it, I got it ALL,” Arya says waving her phone at him. She leans in. “Even the hug,” she whispers to him and giggles. “You didn’t pass out, I’m impressed big man. Thought you were a goner for sure, think that nurse sat you down just in time. You owe her a coffee.”

“You taped the whole thing,” he asked?

“Yup,” she answered. 

“Is it decent,” he asked?

“Decent enough” she scoffs, “no money shots if that’s what you’re asking.”

He groans rubbing his face, “you know what,” he says. “Thanks, thanks a lot.” Then he grabs her and pulls her in for a hug, “you get one too now, think this hugging may become a regular thing for me now. Watch out,” he says. 

She wiggles out his grasp and bats away his hands, “don’t threaten me Clegane,” grinning back at him. 

He can’t help but laugh, “okay auntie Arya,” he jokes. 

“I’m going to go find dad,” she growls. “Don’t let this go to your head, I don’t have to like you to love my nephew,” she says as she leaves. 

The boy is done eating soon, now dozing off on Sansa’s chest. The nurse takes this time to get his weight. The rest of the family is making their way into the room. 

“Eight pounds, two ounces,” she declares. “Good size boy for almost two weeks early. What’s his name,” she asks handing a swaddled baby to Sandor.

“Lane,” Sansa answers looking at Sandor with the baby, “Lane Eddard Clegane.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by my first pregnancy & childbirth. Yes this seriously happened too me and it sucked, but it all worked. 
> 
> Thanks to GRRM for great characters I make stuff up about.


End file.
